Preface: Something I've noticed about jerks/assholes: they're convinced that they're surrounded by jerks and/or assholes. Almost none of them are jerks for no reason. They're almost always jerks in response to some slight (either imagined, or blown way out of proportion). A good sign that you might be a jerk is that you see jerks all around you. Most people are basically all right. If you (1) run into conflicts with a lot of people, please consider the possibility that you are at least part of the cause.
Actual Point: The reason I am hesitant about following the advice of this article is that it encourages you to divide the world into jerks and nice people. It's very easy to be a jerk to a jerk. If you are a jerk to a jerk, suddenly everyone on the project has to deal with two jerks.
I do agree that there are behaviors that just shouldn't be accepted, and there are lots of examples of them online. But you (2) do need to be mindful of your response to those behaviors. Make sure your response isn't to engage in those behaviors yourself.
(1 & 2) and by you, I mostly mean me. I am totally writing to myself here.
They're almost always jerks in response to some slight (either imagined, or blown way out of proportion).
Either that, or they're just clinically certifiable narcissists. True narcissists are world-class pains in the ass like nothing else on the many spectra of personality disorders.
The true narcissists I have had the misfortune of knowing have been extremely charming. If they hadn't been, their "handicap" would have crippled their social lives. True narcissism and well above average ability to charm people, go hand in hand.
The same can be said about all sociopaths, they are all a very charming bunch.
Outwardly charming, on a surface level? Yes. Impossible to work with, or worse, for? Absolutely. They have close to zero conception or awareness of other human beings, making them poor communicators, irrational decisionmakers with regards to anything other than their personal interests, and something approximating pathological liars.
I've read books on this because I have had to deal with more than one of these people. One of the leading experts on Narcissism says that most therapists won't even deal with these people they are so difficult to treat.
"A good sign that you might be a jerk is that you see jerks all around you."
The same goes for various other personality traits. If someone refuses to trust anybody else they likely can't be trusted themselves; I've seen it myself several times.
Your last line was very nicely put. Something a jerk generally wouldn't say. I find that when I give advice to people often times it's more of a reminder to myself.
I agree the world is not divided into jerks/nice people. There's a spectrum. Try to stay on the nice side. You can't always avoid jerks but one should not go out of their way to be around them.
Not only that but there will be times, for whatever reason, a nice person will occasionally behave like a jerk. be it because something bad has happened at home or they are just having a bad day.
Always a good idea to consider that the other person isn't having the same day/thoughts/experience as you.
Around 10 years ago I started to approach situations that were dicey by making the assumption that the other person was having a bad day. In addition to helping prevent situations from escalating out of control this has had a calming effect on me.
Empathy is much better than judgment especially in a situation with imperfect information.
I always try to give the benefit of the doubt. I can think of plenty of times where I only realize after the fact that I was distracted/in a bad mood and unduly acted rude towards someone.
While, I don't disagree with you at all, if you've ever seen Jacob respond to a jerk online, It's really great. Not tolerating something is not equivalent to getting on the same level (which, also should not be tolerated).
From the article, "The vast majority of people I’ve met through my work in open source communities are friendly, warm, and funny...Once in a while, though, I’ve run into assholes."
While what you say may be true, in this case, it does not sound like he's convinced he's surrounded by assholes. Rather that during the few times he's encountered them, he simply decided not to put up with their behavior.
You've created a situation where nobody can refute your premise that "most people are basically all right" without outing himself as part of the cause according to the conclusion derived from that premise. Impressive :P
Actual Point: The reason I am hesitant about following the advice of this article is that it encourages you to divide the world into jerks and nice people. It's very easy to be a jerk to a jerk. If you are a jerk to a jerk, suddenly everyone on the project has to deal with two jerks.
I do agree that there are behaviors that just shouldn't be accepted, and there are lots of examples of them online. But you (2) do need to be mindful of your response to those behaviors. Make sure your response isn't to engage in those behaviors yourself.
(1 & 2) and by you, I mostly mean me. I am totally writing to myself here.