If these platforms do things that are abusive and invasive, the solution is not to complain about it, the solution is to stop donating content to them for free and delete your account so they aren't attractive to more users.

Continuing to enrich them, even by your reachability via their DM messengers, makes them more attractive to your friends and family.

Delete your Facebook and Instagram accounts. Stop giving them positive feedback (via continued usage and content donations) after they make clear choices to abuse you.